The Law of Gravity
by Luv-Angel-Music
Summary: The most asked and randomest questions about the FF7 characters are answered! How does Cloud's hair stick up like that? Is Vincent really a vampire? Why is Sephiroth's hair the way it is? And much much more!
1. Hair

The final Fantasy Seven Characters talk about... Hair. This is a Mini, short two chapter, fic.

**Disclaimer:** I wished I owned FFVII, but I don't, darn it. Reno and the Turks are awesome. Everything belongs to Squarenix except for the plot and complaints. So does the video games meantioned and rnaodm appreances.

**Warnings:** OOC-ness and SPOILERS. And of course my stupid random writing style. I also didn't finish playing FFVII yet. Minor Minor Character Bashing? And also, I tend to ramble on and then the main subject becomes another and another and another and, oh look! A penny!

--------

Once upon a time, in land far far away...oops, wrong intro, my bad. I mean, One day, all of our favorite characters, AVALANCHE, The Turks, and villians alike where all sitting in a room together. They had just discovered the complition of Final Fantasy packs. The reason for this is unknown however. Where they where waiting for their next scene? Bored? Well after 100 failed games of Poker (in which Yuffie lost miserably and Reno won 95 percent of the time) a famous question came up.

"I wonder how Cloud's hair sticks up like that..." Yuffie said randomly one day.

"It defies the law of gravity..." Reno added using the most famous and easiest way to describe the Hero's hair.

"Everything went against the law of gravity in_ Advent Children_." Tifa muttered.

"I wonder is he has a hairdresser..." Tifa wondered.

"He sure does need one, like Reno here too." Elena said smiling as Reno rolled his eyes.

"You're the one with the too blonde hair, rookie..." Reno muttered as Elena whacked him on the head, Reno let out a curse.

"Psh, like he really needs one. Wonder how much hair gel he uses too." Cid added going back to Cloud's hair.

"Hm...Maybe A lot...Think we should ask him?" Aeries said as Cloud entered the room and conversation.

"Hey Cloud! How do you get your hair to stick up like that?" Rufus asked. "I need pointers; I have to hide my hair behind this hood..."

"I thought you only wore that hood because you had a pimple that you couldn't cover?" Reeve said.

"LUKE! I'M YOUR FATHER!" Darth Vader yelled, then seeing Rufus in his outfit, added, "Master! I didn't know---I--" 

"CUT! Wrong set!" Someone yelled as Darth Vader exited the screen.

"Was he talking to you, Mr. Tseng?" Elena asked as Tseng shook his head, Reno resited to make a smart alec comment out of this.

"... Anyways, I'm going to act like that just didn't happen." Rufus said rolling his eyes. "SOMEBODY, cough RENO cough," Rufus glared at Reno who started whistling and shifting his feet. "Messed up on my hair dying job! Told the hairdresser to turn me into a carrot top in FF7, a choboco otherwise, and really bleached blonde person in Advent Children!"

"Hey! I think the color fits you well! It was better than that one time you tried to dye your hair at home, now THAT was funny..." Reno said innocently as Rufus started grumbling.

Cloud looked at Rufus and eveyone oddly trying to see why they where asking this particular question. How in the world did this subject even come up?

"So is it natural or do you use hair gel?" Yuffie repeated.

"Uh...Both?" Cloud said trying to remember what in the world his hairdresser did with it. He had said perfectly he wanted his hair to look more noticeable and dramatic like Zax's hair was. He WORSHIPPED Zax, but the world would never know that. Oh, crap, I just said that outloud didn't I? oops, my bad...Well now the world knows! Sorry Cloud!

"Well, they made me look cool in _Advent Children_?" Cloud volentered.

"Hey...we got reduced to comic relief!" Reno and Ruth complained. "It was cool and all, but I mean, c'mon!"

"You where ALWAYS comic relief, in fact, all of us Turks where..." Tseng sighed. "At least I wasn't dead..."

"Reno...your hair is too long... Same with yours, Vincent..." Yuffie said as a mischievous smile formed her face. Reno and Vincent glanced at her nervously as Yuffie ran out of the room laughing evilly.

"Your hair looks like it went on a very bad dye job..." Tifa observed looking at Reno. "It's just too...red...to be natural at least."

Cloud observed. "It looks like your head got caught on fire..."

"HEY! I LIKE my hair! So shut up! Yours isn't the best thing ever!" Reno snapped as Cloud put up his hands defensively.

"At least you have hair..." Rude said looking at his bald head. Cornrows and Afro's...the good old days...

"Well, Red XIII and I get ignored so many times, in fics, conversations and things, I mean it's like we didn't even exist _sometime_! It was a miracle to go into this one and have at least one line!" Cait Sith complained. "We don't' even have a fan listing!"

Well then, Cait Sith, you used up over one line. It was actually two over run long sentances actually becasue the writer of this story could not stop talking at the moment. Blame it on_ Starbucks_. Yummy, Frappuchinos... 

"Could it be the fact that you aren't human?" Reeve muttered under his breath. _I must have been high to create that thing..._

"Hey! I'm sometimes ignored too..." Barret said. "And I turned into some kind of angry maniac in the game..."

"That's because you are..." Cloud muttered.

"HEY WHAT WAS THAT, PUNK?" Barret yelled as Cloud gulped.

"Nothing! It must have been the little voices in your head and all that other stuff..."

"Are you saying I'm unstable?" Barret yelled.

"That's EXACTLY what Cait Sith said in the game!"

"Why do you always wear your clothes so messy by the way, Reno?" Tifa asked ignoring the Barret and Cloud issue. "You're a Turk and are supposed to dress neat and all Turk and all."

"Because I feel like it." Reno said. "Besides, if Cloud and Sephiroth didn't cut it for the fan girls, I guess they had to bring me in...too bad I'm not a main character though...That would've been cool..."

"I DIED in the game alright? Now, THAT sucks!" Aeries said.

"At least you where in Advent Children longer!" Zax snapped. "I was only in it at the end!"

"Still! I was called AERITH in Kingdom Hearts and they don't' even my real name! You where in _Last Order_ and will be in _Crisis Core_!" Yes, I know that AERITH as teh original Japanese game name and all for her.

"Well at least Square didn't make your boobs so huge for fulfill some idiot's fantasy..." Tifa muttered. "Not that I'm complaining..."

----------

Let the randomness, complaints, and critisms and surprise continue in the next chapter...Dont' worry, Sephiroth is in the next chapter.

-----------

As you can tell, I had a venti sized frappuchino when I wrote this...And I wrote it at 3 am in the morning...nyways, the complaints and stuff where wha tI heard/saw and stuff, so no offense ot anyone. I'd appreciate it if people also read my Author Notes before critisizing me for something that was already explained. Sorry for the Typos and name spellings is I had any wrong, I'll fix those ASAP. So until next time! Please Review? 


	2. Conclusion

WOW! You guys actually LIKE IT! Are you serious? WOW! AWESOME! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING :)Thank You! This chapter is a bit more...calm in a way and a bit more random...

* * *

"AH! WE HAVE TO GET TO THE RENUION!" Kadaj screamed as he, Yazoo, and Loz decided to ditch a few fangirls. Crazy fangirls.. 

"PLAN B!" Loz shouted. "I think we'll have to resort too...CROSSDRESSING!" Loz said as the three ran into the wall market dress shop. The same one where Cloud had to go in order to do save Tifa.

"I'm NOT going to dress up as a women!" Kadaj said as the girls where coming nearer.

"It's last resort?" Yazoo said as the girls where less then ten feet away from them.

"Hey! Do you need a dress? Are you more of those weird men who keeps asking for one?" The shop keeper asked.

"..."

"Alright, none of this gets out to ANYBODY ok?" Kadaj said as the other two nodded.

* * *

"MUHAHAHAHA!" Yuffie said as she stormed into the room holding a pair of scissors, Yuffie looked very menacingly at Vincent and Reno in particular...Yuffie then went to Vincent and held the scissors only a nano millimeter above his hair before Vincent grabbed her hand and the scissors. 

"Don't. Touch. The. Hair." Vincent said darkly and simply. Yuffie grinned innocently and nervously as Vincent let go of her hand. Yuffie loved to annoy Vincent, but he could get scary...

"Tee hee?" Yuffie squeaked. Next Target: Reno.

"Yeah...Your hair is really long...Are you supposed to be a vampire?" Cloud asked.

"No."

"Oh...Are you sure? We found you in a coffin after all...And you kindda act like one..."

"Yes.I had to act like I was dead and I paying for my sins."

"Oh. Ok, whatever, but are you really really really sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you really really really really really really really really reall real--"

"YES CLOUD! I"M SURE I"M NOT A VAMPIRE!" Vincent yelled.

"At least you're not dead! Seriously! People don't even care that I existed!" Zack whined "At least I got to be in Advent children and Last Order though...and I looked totally awesome...ok yeah...never mind..." 

"Hey, Rufus, I always wondered, how the heck did you survive?" Elena squeaked.

"Well as it hit, I---" Rufus began, but I guess he could never finish his sentence becasue some kind of question or insanity would happen. Therefore, we have room for fanfiction!

Yuffie was edging on Reno from behind as everyone stared at the scenario. Yuffie then pushed the scissors menacingly making some sort of a weird noise right in Reno's ear and...cut off .3 nano millicentimers of his ponytail, in other words, it wasn't noticeable. Everyone in the room gasped in shock.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Reno screamed as string of curses came out of his mouth. Reno already realized that all his Materia was gone. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GROW OUT MY HAIR, CUT IT, AND THEN STYLE IT! IT'S GOING TO TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT BACK TO NORMAL NOW, YOU BRAT!"

"Tee Hee?" Yuffie said. "Yay! I finally FINALLY got you annoy---AHHH!" Yuffie screamed as Reno glared at her very menacingly screaming curses and chasing her. "I'M SO GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THAT!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I HAVE MATERIA! MY PRECIOUS MATERIA!" Yuffie screamed as Reno chased her out of the room. Along the way, Red XII "acidentally" stuck out his tail as Yuffie tripped on it. Reno met the same fate, but instead, with Cait Sith. The rest of the group watched in pure amusement at the duo screaming and falling. "You can't catch me! I'm the Great Ninja, Yuffie! Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!"

"Yeah, well Great ninja my a--" Reno yelled, whatever he was about to say was lost...

"I'm Cloud! I can fly, get shot and not die, sucks for you Zack." Cloud added to Zack who frowned. 

"I got more than 1000 bullets! You only got one lousy one!"

"So? I can FLY! YAY! New Talents everyday!" Cloud said.

"That was really random..." Tifa muttered.

"Well if I didn't know any better, I'd say you people where a whole bunch of tree huggers." Rufus said laughing.

"WHAT? How the heck are we tree huggers?" Cloud shouted.

"Tree Huggers that use violence..." Rufus muttered.

"YEAH! HIPPIE POWER!" Aeries said, although no one could tell if she was serious or being scarcastic. They REALLY hoped it was the second choice though.

* * *

"I always wondered though, How in the world Sephiroth made his hair the way it is..." Aeries said putting the question into consideration. 

"Same here...think he'd tell us?" Tifa asked.

"I'd LOVE to have my hair like that not silver though...ew...What kind of shampoo do you think he uses?" Aeries asked.

"That'd be a very nice cause of death...Here lies Tifa Lockhart, who died for asking Sephiroth about his hair...I'd be a laughing stock!" Tifa said.

"Yeah, you would be..." Barret said shurgging. 

Sephiroth then walked into the room as everyone started commenting him on his hair. Sephiroth looked questionably at them as the most random question about his hair came up.

"So...Cloud, Tifa, Aeries, or Zack?" Elena asked Cloud, but the way she was saying it and at that moment seemed like she was saying it to Sephiroth who glanced at her curiously.

"..."

"Uh...Mister Teseng?" Elena said trying to get Teseng to help her out here.

"What am I supposed to say?" Teseng asked. "Rufus, you say something about this!"

"You guys, are idiots. Can't even think of a stupid excuse!" Rufus said. "If I can jump off of a building, while Kadaj defines the law of gravity, you guys can think up of something dumb!"

"Ok, random...Back to the point!" Cloud said.

"What's your secret?" Tifa asked for the three. "I mean your hair is just so awesome!"

"RENUION!" Sephoroth said. "MUHAHAHAHAHAHA..."

"..."

"Is he still sane?" Zack whispered to Cloud.

"I really doubt it..."

"Yeah! so what DO you use?" Rude asked. "Care to tell? I am going to grow out my hair again...if I can..."

"...I'm leaving." Sephoroth said.

To everyone's dismay, Reno and Yuffie then burst into the room. Reno had his hand on one side of the scissors while Yuffie on the other. In a freak moment, the scissors snapped right onto Sephiroth's hair and his hair was now left uneven with parts of it cut off...

"Uh oh..." everyone said as the began getting out of their seats and running to the nearest exit or getting the nearest cover screaming their heads off. It was one of hte biggest stampeded ever...

"RUN FOR COVER!" Cloud screamed waving his hands in the air.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Sephiroth screamed.

"HOLY------" Cid, Barret, and Reno began. If I ever did finish this sentence, this story wouldn't be rated K+ anymore, but rather M.

In conclusion, Meteor was unleashed and I guess we knew what would happen from there...Kajad, Loz, and Yazoo then ran into the room at that very moment.

"I think we missed something here..." Kadaj said.

* * *

**The End**

* * *

Yes, Random, stupid, and pointless, but it does have some MINOR points? haha...ok...yea...thank for reading! I really really appreciate that and how you could possibly tolerate the weirdness of this fic...haha...Happy Holidays! 


End file.
